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deadenedcandle's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, July 23rd, 2007 | | 8:37 pm |
| | Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 | | 10:21 pm |
Ya know, it's kinda pointless to even check livejournal. i don't really post, neither does anyone else. I'm alive for those that check up nonetheless.. Check - Alive. | | Thursday, September 7th, 2006 | | 8:58 pm |
I'm, in a good mood. However still hallucinating that my phone is ringing. Perhaps I'm just wishing I had more people to call me, I don't know. I either hear it vibrating or hear it ringing faintly. It's odd. | | Sunday, August 13th, 2006 | | 6:41 pm |
I'm currently freaked out. Just tried to take a nap that didn't go so well. I even dreampt I was going to take a nap, so it's one of those fine lines between reality and dream. I forget the first part of the dream but there was some bug or egg or something on.. something, and I put it in a box.. closed box. Well, later I realized that this beige/yellowy substance and like.. spider-like things were everywhere in hte box, then upon closer investigation they were making their way out. I don't know how. I didn't know what else to do with it so I started a bathtub full of hot water.. that I was going to throw the box into hoping that the water would kill whatever. I was at my parents house and my dad is the one that actually picked up the box to put it in the bathtub. I had forgotten about it, distracted with some manequin as me that apparently was normal but I hadn't changed her outfit. It was supposed to be me and my mom was like "Yeah isn't she cute". She had braces and evertyhing and I was like I didn't look like that! Anyways, walked back into the bathroom and all I saw was Dad shaking his head and a pile of the bugs beneath the water. "They're pleal." (wtf pleal is, i don't know, but at the time it was like omg). and he was taking a tarp to cover the bathtub, something about locking the heat in or some other crap, then one of 'em apparently didn't make it in the bathtub and got on me and it dug it's legs into me so you could shake and it wouldn't come off no matter what and I tried to flick it but only way to have gotten it off is like squishing it and pulling upward and it really freaked the hell outta me. Then I thought I heard like, the apartment alarm of a "beep beep" so i thoguht maybe danny had told them to come hook up the alarm and since id din't know if he was here yet, that i should go investigate. I'd heard a guy talking thought it could've been maintence, walked out, and no one was here. At all. Freaky. Creepy. Weirded out currently. | | Thursday, July 27th, 2006 | | 10:13 pm |
*hops on the bandwagon*
( Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| × I miss somebody right now. |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. |
× I own lots of books. |
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
× I love to play video games. |
✓ I've tried marijuana. |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. |
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (Potentially...?) |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... ) | | Saturday, July 1st, 2006 | | 11:41 am |
I need to save 20$ or so. Get my hair cut, get rid of the last of the previous dye to dye my hair to its natural color, then I'm dying it. Not black, not blonde. Just different. | | Thursday, June 22nd, 2006 | | 6:03 pm |
I love my dad
So I went and picked Dad up at home to drive to the dealership to pick up my car (SHINY). Great trip. Almost all 30 min drive I told dad about Audrey being a bitch at work and he was telling me retorts/comebacks that he'd tell her and make sure it doesn't attack her. Talk down to her the way she talks down to me, next time she asks me what I'm doing ask her what she's doing and why it's so important cuz I'm doing my job and she's having Pat Short do hers. Made me smile, made me laugh. I love my dad. | | Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 | | 10:33 pm |
So I made an enemy at work. Yay. Veronica was sitting down as we were winding down closing and I said, "you know you aren't supposed to sit down right?" Granted, I wasn't gonna tell on her just kinda making sure she knew but she's pregnant so kinda more understandable on her behalf... She said "Why not?" I laughed finding that an odd question "why can't I sit while I'm at work?" just.. illogical to me. I told her they weren't paying her to sit down. As we were walking out she came up to me and was like "You know Trish you aren't a manager I don't have to listen to you you can't tell me what to do". I said I was a supervisor and she really kinda did have to listen to me, and then she went off on a tangent 'bout how sometimes I don' twork and I'm walking around and how I have no room to talk and how she doesn't have to listent o me... blah blah blah. I was going to tell her to take up with Mr. Bradshaw if she had that big of a problem with it. I can imagine "Trish was telling me not to sit down and I got mad at her" wtf? lol.. So whatever. My mouth is hurting... My head is killing me. I'm hungover as hell. I have an hour and a half to figure something to go inside my stomach cuz I can't eat past midnight for the stupid Dr. appt tmw.. I can't wait to go to sleep. Slice isn't answering his phone, wondering if he went to the goblin or bucket shop or something.. I just wish he'd check his phone and call me back shortly.. I wanna go to sleep soon. I think I'm gonna make some hot dogs. I crave meat right now. I don't wanna go to the doctos. I wanna cry. I don't wanna go. I wanna go back to being 7 when I could argue going to the doctors or not. iono whatever. night. | | Saturday, April 22nd, 2006 | | 12:02 am |
So anyone know of any place in the Charlotte vicinity that is hiring, fulltime, good pay? Lemme know. | | Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 | | 10:07 pm |
Semi current feelings, kinda: But please don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter or mad It's not that I still love you, it's not 'cause I want you back It's just that when I think of you, it makes me wanna gag-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-ag What else can I do, I haven't got a clue Now I guess I'll just move on, I have no choice but to But every time I think of you now, I'll I wanna do Is pu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uke ... compliments of EmineM | | Sunday, January 8th, 2006 | | 7:25 am |
Nightmare...
There were these two girls. One had long dark brown hair 'bout to her waist with slight blond highlights in it, the other had shoulder length black hair. Neither were friends but they went to the same college. One of 'em, (the one with the long brown hair, say, Julie (even though she had no name in the nightmare)), had a friend that had really short boyish cut red hair. They were hanging out in front of a building it seemed either at WCU or ECU but some college nonetheless. Then a guy walked up. He was relatively cute but had a boyish cuteness. Relatively chubby but not fat and had slightly curly short brown hair. He walked up to the group of girls (The redhead who was named Kidman (no, not nicole kidman before anyone goes off on that actually reminded me of someone i went to school with but can't remember who)) and seemed to somewhat be in shock that they were there. They noticed and somewhat poked fun, seeming like they were sophomores of college or something and he was a freshman. They said to beware of Leniors class (the one they were all going into) because apparently seh's really strict. You could tell he liked one of the girls uncertain of which one at first. Well it was an English class they walked into. Older lady wearing a white and blue shirt that looked vaguely like wallpaper. Jamie had her hair twisted back so it didn't seem as long but it was only folded in half in a messy way but cute. It was twisted and curled down to shoulder length. They passed lil post it notes around the class and Jamie recieved the next to last one and handed the last one caddy corner backwards up a chair to the guy, say, Jon (again made up name). Jon was confused, obviously not having paid attention in class and opened up thinking she had just passed him a note, it said "Museum Vase". He was slightly confused by this but guessed it meant to meet by the Museum Vase or something... Ms. Lenoir then annouced for the person who had Museum Vase to come to the front of the classroom. Jon was frustrated and sat a second then closed his book and said "let's go" as he walked out of the classroom. Hesitating, but then Jamie closed her book silently and picked up and walked around the back of hte classroom trying to be polite. Jon was outside saying how he loved her and even though she was gay he had always been attracted to her. That something about her and that she's the only gay girl that he's ever liked but that he loves her even because all he's ever wanted is to be with her and her to give him that chance. She sat, saying nothing, but it ended up the whole room had the door open listening to it all. She said his words were like literature, and for that,l they all had to write a report on the event that they just watched. Jamie went home then. It flashes over to the other girl, say, named, Melinda. She woke up in the morning to take a shower and as the mirror was slightly foggy she could see her shower and shower curtain in the reflection as it defogged. In the reflection was herself, wet, and with really short hair, but it was her. She closed her eyes, then opened 'em again and looked in the mirror knowing she had to be seeing things. She did this a few times and sometimes the shower curtain would close and you could just vaguely see the reflection of someone standing behind the cloudy white colored shower curtain. Then she'd open it again and be there this time holding a silver blunt object. Melinda's heart beat faster but swore to herself she was just hallucinating and needed to brush her hair and teeth and get out. She died. No sign of anyone else, but no one knew about it either. Parents found her body but she had very few friends and was barely missed or talked about. Jamie woke up and took a shower the next morning. It then jumps to someone using her own hair to strangle her, it was wet having the blond highlights show up more and reciting Porphyria's Lover to her as they tried to strangle her leaving red marks on her neck and she struggled eventually grabbed something and hit 'em with it and ran. When her parents heard her and the commotion they ran up to see what was going on, Jamie was halfway down the stairs half naked dripping water in a frantic mess. They then ran to the bathroom where it looked like things had been broken but no sign of anyone else being there. She explained it but they wondered why she must've tried to kill herself ad told her that it was okay but that no one else was here. She found a key on the dining room table when she finally got dressed and walked around. She knew the guy must've had a key and she tried to tell her parents to get the door locks changed cuz he had a key and they said they didn't have the time cuz they were getting ready to leave and they are sure that no one had a key other than themselves. The house sitter showed up, locked the frotn door but said nothing to ayone as they all left. She ended up going to her classes but never being trusted that itw as someone else and eventually he killed her. I wasn't either of them but I know the feelings they had that it seemed like no one else had been there but no one would trust them that they weren't doing it themselves. Coroner's reports deemed both suicides.. maybe it was someone who had control over them and convincing them to do it to themselves. I don't know. I just know I felt the fear in each of them and that no one would listen. I remember too much of this nightmare. I hope by me writing it down that maybe I'll be able to fall asleep again now. Please. Hopefully. | | Sunday, December 25th, 2005 | | 11:36 am |
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to those I all hold dearly in my heart even if I may not always act like it. I love my friends as my family for those that hold true to being friends. You know who you are. Hope everyone has the best day that is feasibly possible. | | Saturday, December 17th, 2005 | | 8:34 pm |
| | Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 | | 11:00 am |
Fine, I'm doing it!
Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review". ( Calendar )There we go. Not very interesting cuz i don't talk of events but emotions. Kinda disappointed in it. | | Thursday, December 1st, 2005 | | 7:18 pm |
i.. don't know. i've realized i really don't want to live without von at all in my life and that it's selfish of me to sit here and tell him i can't be friends with him even just bceause i still want him. if he wants to talk to me he can. i can be a friend, at least i hope. i want to be. i want to be given the chance. i was tempted to sleep all day so i could wake up midnightish just in case he wnated to read this and come over. i'll say the phone line is open i may or may not be awake but he is still welcome over if he so wishes.. and no i haven't drank today. and no, i'm not over my love for him by any means. i guess i'm starting to miss even what we did as friends. i don't know. i've stopped the crying. but i should probably get back to sleep. exhaustion taking over. cell is on. don't be afraid to call it. please. (mostly to von if he reads this but to anyone who might want me i want to be there for them) Current Mood:  tired | | Wednesday, November 30th, 2005 | | 3:44 am |
WHY THE HELL CAN'T I JUST SLEEP?!?!?! | | Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 | | 9:23 pm |
| | Wednesday, November 9th, 2005 | | 2:29 pm |
| | Sunday, October 16th, 2005 | | 8:11 pm |
i'm sure absolutely no one who CARES about Gyspy reads this still.. however i felt like stating it for the case that hte random person comes across it and still associates with him. He says he went to the doctors and does not have herpes, and has hte piece of paper to prove it. Rumor has it he's explained that he "might've" given it to me but doesn't have it. Lemme do some clarification. The piece of paper saying he does not have herpes, doesn't mean jack shit, other than it was not active at the time of the testing and he probably told hte doctors that he does not have symptoms leading the doctor to give a clean bill of health. Herpes, including the blood test, cannot be detected 'less it is during an active outbreak causing it to be an easily thing to lie about. Culture tests are the easiest ways to test becuase that will test the "symptom" to see if it is indeed herpes or not. And to have given it, means you have it. Sooo anyone who might still be confused and believe he does not have it, because the doctor said so, please feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to clarify it. If you don't believe me, look it up yourself or call a local physician. Have a great day. | | Saturday, October 1st, 2005 | | 2:35 pm |
*sigh*
Life. Today's been a good day, just, "one of those" days at the same time. My head is slowly starting to ache, and I can't stand just sitting here, alone. I feel bad for Von everytime I go to work, but it's no big deal. I don't wnat to and won't be dependent, unable to be alone for a few hours. I want to clean, but part of the mess isn't even mine... So I should wait for Von to get home then perhaps one day we can do it together.. Sadly enough I'm watching tv, best thing I saw on, Ole Miss vs. Tennessee. Not really following/paying attention/caring.. but it's background noise. I went yardsaling a bit today a lil with von then a lil alone. I bought 4 puzzles and got a free fake christmas tree *shrug*. I know Von had a huge thing against fake christmas trees, but I have two now. I got the free one so he could spray paint it black and do the whole goth christmas tree he wanted.. if we get it early enough we can have a halloween christmas tree (since it's painted black anyways) but doubt that'll happen. But driving around just made me think. I loved watching the people wokring in their yards and with families and having a yardsale cuz they actually had room to have extra stuff and yards and pets and *sigh* I want that life, that is like my dream right now. It used ot be just get through college and I did that.. and that seems to have been pointless aside from having met the best friend in the world.. but i'm left owrking in a mall store.. sadly, if I get enough money i feel i could almost just stay there. Currently thinking i'll try to get a volunteer job "in my field" so I can gain some experience. *sigh* I just want to have the happy life.. the house, the freedom the relationship the love the job.. i want to GO somewhere with life.. i want a house, i really want a house. i want to know where i'mg oing to be and settle down, not wonder if i will get a job in such and such town and be movig but have stable job and stable relationship and .. i need stability i guess.. I just wanna go to sleep 'til I wake up to get Von, or I wanna go stop by and see him, but I am not goign to hang around hte mall for another 4 hours? that's pointless and sad.. i don't know. i just, don't know. Current Mood:  bored |
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