deadenedcandle

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:37:02 GMT

Boo!

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 03:21:25 GMT

Ya know, it's kinda pointless to even check livejournal. i don't really post, neither does anyone else. I'm alive for those that check up nonetheless.. Check - Alive.

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:59:36 GMT

I'm, in a good mood. However still hallucinating that my phone is ringing. Perhaps I'm just wishing I had more people to call me, I don't know. I either hear it vibrating or hear it ringing faintly. It's odd.

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 22:49:30 GMT

I'm currently freaked out. Just tried to take a nap that didn't go so well. I even dreampt I was going to take a nap, so it's one of those fine lines between reality and dream. I forget the first part of the dream but there was some bug or egg or something on.. something, and I put it in a box.. closed box. Well, later I realized that this beige/yellowy substance and like.. spider-like things were everywhere in hte box, then upon closer investigation they were making their way out. I don't know how. I didn't know what else to do with it so I started a bathtub full of hot water.. that I was going to throw the box into hoping that the water would kill whatever. I was at my parents house and my dad is the one that actually picked up the box to put it in the bathtub. I had forgotten about it, distracted with some manequin as me that apparently was normal but I hadn't changed her outfit. It was supposed to be me and my mom was like "Yeah isn't she cute". She had braces and evertyhing and I was like I didn't look like that! Anyways, walked back into the bathroom and all I saw was Dad shaking his head and a pile of the bugs beneath the water. "They're pleal." (wtf pleal is, i don't know, but at the time it was like omg). and he was taking a tarp to cover the bathtub, something about locking the heat in or some other crap, then one of 'em apparently didn't make it in the bathtub and got on me and it dug it's legs into me so you could shake and it wouldn't come off no matter what and I tried to flick it but only way to have gotten it off is like squishing it and pulling upward and it really freaked the hell outta me. Then I thought I heard like, the apartment alarm of a "beep beep" so i thoguht maybe danny had told them to come hook up the alarm and since id din't know if he was here yet, that i should go investigate. I'd heard a guy talking thought it could've been maintence, walked out, and no one was here. At all. Freaky. Creepy. Weirded out currently.

hops on the bandwagon

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 02:13:45 GMT

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

× I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	× I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (Potentially...?)	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. (Close enough... but I don't keep it to myself either)	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times. (at times???)	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (I'd get elf ears :})	✓ I need/want money right now.
× I love sushi.	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings. (A LOT)	× I think prostitution should be legalized. (no opinion -- not yes, nor no.)	× I slept with a roommate.
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex.	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	✓ I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	✓ I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
× I currently like/love someone. (Bad subject, I don't know.)	✓ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
× I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	✓ I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex.	✓ I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. (usually)
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	✓ I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
✓ I own the "South Park" movie. (Not the movie, but like, Season 1.)	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music.
× I would die for my best friends. (Depends on who and how.)	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. (Not perfectionist, just slightly OCD occassionally)	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (Halloween is awesome.. on Franklin Street.)	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am.	✓ I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles. (not love, but like.)
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	× I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
✓ I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	✓ I usually like covers better than originals. (Most of the time)
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse.	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	✓ I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder. (Fuck yeah.)	✓ I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
✓ I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. (With dinner.. after dinner.. before dinner..)	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes.	× I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	✓ I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	✓ I smoke.	× I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else. (Used to.)
× Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	× I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	✓ I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
✓ I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time. (Prolly, just may not realize it all the time)	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	✓ I'm a HUGE drama-queen. (I've been called this before)
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
× I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
✓ I own a collection of retro games consoles. (Okay not a collection but not many people have the NES system, nor access to the Intellevision that still works.)	✓ The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
✓ I am compulsively honest. (Most of the time, I can't help it.)	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	✓ I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	✓ I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	✓ Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed. (Sometimes)	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
✓ I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (They are slutty for sleeping with the customers.)	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (like)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping.	× I've performed in three plays.
× I enjoy burritos.	✓ I'm Irish and loving it.	✓ I have a thing for redheads.
✓ I am a twin! (giggles)	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	✓ I hope that I go really prematurely grey. (I want white hair though not grey/gray)
× I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	✓ I can only hate someone that I love. (or have loved.)	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 15:44:05 GMT

I need to save 20$ or so. Get my hair cut, get rid of the last of the previous dye to dye my hair to its natural color, then I'm dying it. Not black, not blonde. Just different.

I love my dad

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 22:06:35 GMT

So I went and picked Dad up at home to drive to the dealership to pick up my car (SHINY). Great trip. Almost all 30 min drive I told dad about Audrey being a bitch at work and he was telling me retorts/comebacks that he'd tell her and make sure it doesn't attack her. Talk down to her the way she talks down to me, next time she asks me what I'm doing ask her what she's doing and why it's so important cuz I'm doing my job and she's having Pat Short do hers. Made me smile, made me laugh. I love my dad.

Wed, 17 May 2006 02:44:50 GMT

So I made an enemy at work. Yay. Veronica was sitting down as we were winding down closing and I said, "you know you aren't supposed to sit down right?" Granted, I wasn't gonna tell on her just kinda making sure she knew but she's pregnant so kinda more understandable on her behalf... She said "Why not?" I laughed finding that an odd question "why can't I sit while I'm at work?" just.. illogical to me. I told her they weren't paying her to sit down. As we were walking out she came up to me and was like "You know Trish you aren't a manager I don't have to listen to you you can't tell me what to do". I said I was a supervisor and she really kinda did have to listen to me, and then she went off on a tangent 'bout how sometimes I don' twork and I'm walking around and how I have no room to talk and how she doesn't have to listent o me... blah blah blah. I was going to tell her to take up with Mr. Bradshaw if she had that big of a problem with it. I can imagine "Trish was telling me not to sit down and I got mad at her" wtf? lol.. So whatever. My mouth is hurting... My head is killing me. I'm hungover as hell. I have an hour and a half to figure something to go inside my stomach cuz I can't eat past midnight for the stupid Dr. appt tmw.. I can't wait to go to sleep. Slice isn't answering his phone, wondering if he went to the goblin or bucket shop or something.. I just wish he'd check his phone and call me back shortly.. I wanna go to sleep soon. I think I'm gonna make some hot dogs. I crave meat right now. I don't wanna go to the doctos. I wanna cry. I don't wanna go. I wanna go back to being 7 when I could argue going to the doctors or not. iono whatever. night.

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 04:02:34 GMT

So anyone know of any place in the Charlotte vicinity that is hiring, fulltime, good pay? Lemme know.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 03:12:12 GMT

Semi current feelings, kinda:
But please don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter or mad
It's not that I still love you, it's not 'cause I want you back

It's just that when I think of you, it makes me wanna
gag-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-ag
What else can I do, I haven't got a clue
Now I guess I'll just move on, I have no choice but to
But every time I think of you now, I'll I wanna do
Is pu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uu-uke
... compliments of EmineM

Nightmare...

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 12:49:05 GMT

There were these two girls. One had long dark brown hair 'bout to her waist with slight blond highlights in it, the other had shoulder length black hair. Neither were friends but they went to the same college. One of 'em, (the one with the long brown hair, say, Julie (even though she had no name in the nightmare)), had a friend that had really short boyish cut red hair. They were hanging out in front of a building it seemed either at WCU or ECU but some college nonetheless. Then a guy walked up. He was relatively cute but had a boyish cuteness. Relatively chubby but not fat and had slightly curly short brown hair. He walked up to the group of girls (The redhead who was named Kidman (no, not nicole kidman before anyone goes off on that actually reminded me of someone i went to school with but can't remember who)) and seemed to somewhat be in shock that they were there. They noticed and somewhat poked fun, seeming like they were sophomores of college or something and he was a freshman. They said to beware of Leniors class (the one they were all going into) because apparently seh's really strict. You could tell he liked one of the girls uncertain of which one at first. Well it was an English class they walked into. Older lady wearing a white and blue shirt that looked vaguely like wallpaper. Jamie had her hair twisted back so it didn't seem as long but it was only folded in half in a messy way but cute. It was twisted and curled down to shoulder length. They passed lil post it notes around the class and Jamie recieved the next to last one and handed the last one caddy corner backwards up a chair to the guy, say, Jon (again made up name). Jon was confused, obviously not having paid attention in class and opened up thinking she had just passed him a note, it said "Museum Vase". He was slightly confused by this but guessed it meant to meet by the Museum Vase or something... Ms. Lenoir then annouced for the person who had Museum Vase to come to the front of the classroom. Jon was frustrated and sat a second then closed his book and said "let's go" as he walked out of the classroom. Hesitating, but then Jamie closed her book silently and picked up and walked around the back of hte classroom trying to be polite. Jon was outside saying how he loved her and even though she was gay he had always been attracted to her. That something about her and that she's the only gay girl that he's ever liked but that he loves her even because all he's ever wanted is to be with her and her to give him that chance. She sat, saying nothing, but it ended up the whole room had the door open listening to it all. She said his words were like literature, and for that,l they all had to write a report on the event that they just watched. Jamie went home then. It flashes over to the other girl, say, named, Melinda. She woke up in the morning to take a shower and as the mirror was slightly foggy she could see her shower and shower curtain in the reflection as it defogged. In the reflection was herself, wet, and with really short hair, but it was her. She closed her eyes, then opened 'em again and looked in the mirror knowing she had to be seeing things. She did this a few times and sometimes the shower curtain would close and you could just vaguely see the reflection of someone standing behind the cloudy white colored shower curtain. Then she'd open it again and be there this time holding a silver blunt object. Melinda's heart beat faster but swore to herself she was just hallucinating and needed to brush her hair and teeth and get out. She died. No sign of anyone else, but no one knew about it either. Parents found her body but she had very few friends and was barely missed or talked about. Jamie woke up and took a shower the next morning. It then jumps to someone using her own hair to strangle her, it was wet having the blond highlights show up more and reciting Porphyria's Lover to her as they tried to strangle her leaving red marks on her neck and she struggled eventually grabbed something and hit 'em with it and ran. When her parents heard her and the commotion they ran up to see what was going on, Jamie was halfway down the stairs half naked dripping water in a frantic mess. They then ran to the bathroom where it looked like things had been broken but no sign of anyone else being there. She explained it but they wondered why she must've tried to kill herself ad told her that it was okay but that no one else was here. She found a key on the dining room table when she finally got dressed and walked around. She knew the guy must've had a key and she tried to tell her parents to get the door locks changed cuz he had a key and they said they didn't have the time cuz they were getting ready to leave and they are sure that no one had a key other than themselves. The house sitter showed up, locked the frotn door but said nothing to ayone as they all left. She ended up going to her classes but never being trusted that itw as someone else and eventually he killed her. I wasn't either of them but I know the feelings they had that it seemed like no one else had been there but no one would trust them that they weren't doing it themselves. Coroner's reports deemed both suicides.. maybe it was someone who had control over them and convincing them to do it to themselves. I don't know. I just know I felt the fear in each of them and that no one would listen. I remember too much of this nightmare. I hope by me writing it down that maybe I'll be able to fall asleep again now. Please. Hopefully.

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 16:37:25 GMT

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to those I all hold dearly in my heart even if I may not always act like it. I love my friends as my family for those that hold true to being friends. You know who you are. Hope everyone has the best day that is feasibly possible.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 01:49:22 GMT

i... i...
i don't know.

Fine, I'm doing it!

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 16:09:00 GMT

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review".

March: Well, new journal. Not much all to say in it yet. Happy Easter everyone!

April: After instruction, I am posting to look at the post button, or something *looks at Mandy confused* lol

May: i e-mailed him again, i've more or less given up on him ever paying me back, just wish he'd be honest and tell me that so i could leave him alone and not annoy him or whatever else.

June: ya know, I've moved back in with my parents/von now.. and it's amazing how grown up i feel.. both free and grown up.. it's very scary.

July: Von was hilarious.. he was so drunk he put a playstation game in my laptop then was turnign it all around looking for hte on switch.. then i told him it was my laptop nad he took the game out and put it in the ps2 *shakes head*

August: Life sucks.

September: I don't want it to be me any more.

October: Today's been a good day, just, "one of those" days at the same time.

November: i can think in ideals and now i want my ideals to be near truths. my goal right now is to find me, i have a good start i think.

December: i.. don't know. i've realized i really don't want to live without von at all in my life and that it's selfish of me to sit here and tell him i can't be friends with him even just bceause i still want him.

There we go. Not very interesting cuz i don't talk of events but emotions. Kinda disappointed in it.

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 00:40:19 GMT

i.. don't know. i've realized i really don't want to live without von at all in my life and that it's selfish of me to sit here and tell him i can't be friends with him even just bceause i still want him. if he wants to talk to me he can. i can be a friend, at least i hope. i want to be. i want to be given the chance. i was tempted to sleep all day so i could wake up midnightish just in case he wnated to read this and come over. i'll say the phone line is open i may or may not be awake but he is still welcome over if he so wishes.. and no i haven't drank today. and no, i'm not over my love for him by any means. i guess i'm starting to miss even what we did as friends. i don't know. i've stopped the crying. but i should probably get back to sleep. exhaustion taking over. cell is on. don't be afraid to call it. please. (mostly to von if he reads this but to anyone who might want me i want to be there for them)

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 08:45:13 GMT

WHY THE HELL CAN'T I JUST SLEEP?!?!?!

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 02:23:48 GMT

</td></tr>

My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 evilest_kittens a-rubbing.
11 useyourguitars a-calling.
10 madienofshadowss a-grinding.
9 turtlexingss a-spitting.
8 losels a-yodeling.
7 mandolin64s a-milking.
6 desertyoukais a-guzzling.
5 silver hitan_yukis.
4 gyrating sillyogs.
3 Kuwaiti amelancholyrains.
2 bull eriyannas.
And a deathofasaint in a durian tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Why the hell not . . .

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 19:29:26 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.2
Mind:	3.6
Body:	4.8
Spirit:	4.2
Friends/Family:	4.1
Love:	4.6
Finance:	5.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!</b>
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Moderate
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 00:16:55 GMT

i'm sure absolutely no one who CARES about Gyspy reads this still.. however i felt like stating it for the case that hte random person comes across it and still associates with him.
He says he went to the doctors and does not have herpes, and has hte piece of paper to prove it. Rumor has it he's explained that he "might've" given it to me but doesn't have it. Lemme do some clarification.
The piece of paper saying he does not have herpes, doesn't mean jack shit, other than it was not active at the time of the testing and he probably told hte doctors that he does not have symptoms leading the doctor to give a clean bill of health. Herpes, including the blood test, cannot be detected 'less it is during an active outbreak causing it to be an easily thing to lie about. Culture tests are the easiest ways to test becuase that will test the "symptom" to see if it is indeed herpes or not. And to have given it, means you have it. Sooo anyone who might still be confused and believe he does not have it, because the doctor said so, please feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to clarify it. If you don't believe me, look it up yourself or call a local physician. Have a great day.

sigh

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 18:49:19 GMT

Life.
Today's been a good day, just, "one of those" days at the same time. My head is slowly starting to ache, and I can't stand just sitting here, alone. I feel bad for Von everytime I go to work, but it's no big deal. I don't wnat to and won't be dependent, unable to be alone for a few hours. I want to clean, but part of the mess isn't even mine... So I should wait for Von to get home then perhaps one day we can do it together.. Sadly enough I'm watching tv, best thing I saw on, Ole Miss vs. Tennessee. Not really following/paying attention/caring.. but it's background noise. I went yardsaling a bit today a lil with von then a lil alone. I bought 4 puzzles and got a free fake christmas tree *shrug*. I know Von had a huge thing against fake christmas trees, but I have two now. I got the free one so he could spray paint it black and do the whole goth christmas tree he wanted.. if we get it early enough we can have a halloween christmas tree (since it's painted black anyways) but doubt that'll happen. But driving around just made me think. I loved watching the people wokring in their yards and with families and having a yardsale cuz they actually had room to have extra stuff and yards and pets and *sigh* I want that life, that is like my dream right now. It used ot be just get through college and I did that.. and that seems to have been pointless aside from having met the best friend in the world.. but i'm left owrking in a mall store.. sadly, if I get enough money i feel i could almost just stay there. Currently thinking i'll try to get a volunteer job "in my field" so I can gain some experience. *sigh* I just want to have the happy life.. the house, the freedom the relationship the love the job.. i want to GO somewhere with life.. i want a house, i really want a house. i want to know where i'mg oing to be and settle down, not wonder if i will get a job in such and such town and be movig but have stable job and stable relationship and .. i need stability i guess.. I just wanna go to sleep 'til I wake up to get Von, or I wanna go stop by and see him, but I am not goign to hang around hte mall for another 4 hours? that's pointless and sad.. i don't know. i just, don't know.

Hunter

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 01:15:20 GMT

There's a vampire hunter! She shoots you with a crossbow bolt for 50 damage, and runs to the northwest.
Yak & 59th now.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 21:39:06 GMT

Sooo... life seems to be looking up?
I've determined:
BS Psych Degree means nothing.
Why did I minor in Linguistics too? All those college lies about how it makes you look good to get a minor and college is good.. i should've just gone freshman year, met amy, then dropped out.. prehaps life would've been beter.. *sigh*
On a happier note, I have two jobs. On at Carolina Mall, Things Remembered, very part time, mostly just Wednesday Nights, and then part time hopefully moving ot full time position at TJ Maxx at Concord Mills, this could be good. Even 20 hours total (5 hours at TR and 15 at TJ .. which i'm thinking i'll make more) estimates 150$/wk.. *drools over the thought* Making 6.50 at TR and 7.50 at TJ Maxx.. almost regret having gotten the TR job, but the manager is soo cool. I really do want to help her out I just hope she won't want me to work like every single day during a holiday or something, but I could probably pull off nights at one job days at the other or something.. I'd rathre be a workaholic.. gimme something to do.. then i'll hvae money i cna buy food and alcohol and gifts and ... bruce lee is crooked on the wall... anywyas.. *sigh* I'm nervous 'bout starting.. both jobs.. and juggling two jobs.. not sure how it works.. i know lots of people who do it, but still.. i hate giving preference to like one job over another.. maybe we'll watch a movie tonight, just more money i know but *shrug* probably 3 weeks max i should have a paycheck of some sorts hopefully.. 4 hour trianing at tj maxx tmw then put on the floor.. i get to wear tennis shoes, that makes me happy, but i have a blister on each foot and a .. an ex-blister/healing sore that odesn't hurt also on each foot.. i wonder if i should pop the blisters, they don't hurt.. *sigh*
von had an interview today, i hope that went well it's really want he wants.. it's a pc technician.. so that could really help him out career wise as well.. i wonder if i could have a full tiime job, part time job, then maybe if i can manage a volunteer job at some of the like rehab places and degrade myself from working up from there? but i wanna work at LEAST a month at both these places cuz i can't just get hired and quit, it's not who i am.. preference woudl be work at least 6 months both places then see elsewise, of course, 'less someone really aggravates me or is unfair etc etc.. i stress way too fucking much, but at least i have a potential income now.. not the way i wanted it, but money is money be it career related money or not *sigh*
good luck to those still in need of a job.. the world sucks where college grads might have to look into fast food jobs. *glares at the world still*

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 06:11:07 GMT

Why is it so easy to take anger on oneself out on those surrounding? I am more irritable becuase I am angry with myself and society, and in that other people irritate me more and I take it out on them and I am sorry. I don't see how 4 years of college, a BS Psyc degree and Ling Minor don't mean shit other than employers think either A) I'm not qualified cuz they wanted a Masters.. or B) I'm overqualified cuz they wanted HS education.. So what i've done doesn't mean shit. I went through four years of school, great experience, learned a lot, and now I'm sitting here, wasted all hte money people have given me for graduation.. no job, no apartment, deadbeat living with my boyfriend. Fuck society's system. I watched Patch Adams and I could so relate to him. Doctors don't treat people they treat patients i'm the one that wants to help them, talk to people let them open up be it drug rehab people.. or whoever.. i've given up on that mostly.. right now, this current second.. i've given up on everything except life. I don't see how I am worth anything. No one wants anythign to do with me.. I guess I just make wrong decisions.. all the fucking time. Maybe I assume people to care when they don't maybe I just push them away and give them reason not to care.. maybe I should just go back to my parents house and say fuck everyone. i spent maybe an hour outside with jack jack tonihgt just thinking.. talked to mike today.. talked to dan.. stollings.. i have people who care, iknwo they do.. maybe i just don't care enough about them.. i'm too goddamn selfish.. mabye that's why employers don't want me.. no wait, i didn't make a high enough gpa.. fuck them fuck grades fuck school fuck it all
*really just wants to be held*

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:41:10 GMT

I haven't written in here recently.. so *write write*
There's not much going on. Currently hungover off of wine.
Von was hilarious.. he was so drunk he put a playstation game in my laptop then was turnign it all around looking for hte on switch.. then i told him it was my laptop nad he took the game out and put it in the ps2 *shakes head* we've been redecorating.. all shot glasses and beer bottles are on top of the tv stand.. i've decided to collect arbor mist big bottles.. i've also kinda decided i might just start applying to pharmacy places.. not to be a pharmacist.. can't.. but to get drug experience maybe? i still need to apply to the local drug rehab places by mailing in my resume.. but.. haven't got the cover letter completely figured out yet for that i don't think.. plus von needs to print it out.. i don't know.. i don't know.. but i did just realizee.. if i wanted one of the county jobs, i need to see which ones closed on the 11th.. tomorrow.. cuz i'll need to get that application filled out and faxed in soon.. so.. laterz.

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 18:06:12 GMT

If I were God over LiveJournal... by shinikami
Username
Jesus would be	sillyog
The four archangels would be	losel
and	useyourguitar
and	madienofshadows
and	mandolin64
The Blessed Virgin would be	thewarriorv2
Satan would be	wolfofshadow
The antichrist would be	thewarriorv2
And YOU would be	An angel

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your College Life by highfivejunkie

Username

What will you study?

Your Roomate

thewarriorv2

The Football Player

madienofshadows

The Cheerleader

wolfofshadow

The Band Geek

mandolin64

Highly involved in their Frat/Sorority

losel

The Crazy Drunk

useyourguitar

The College Slut

sillyog

Your Significant Other

mandolin64

The Creep that sneaks into girl's showers

wolfofshadow

Likeliness you'll graduate: 2%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Future! by sum41prin
Name or LJ username:
Home:
Location:	Rosmead, South Africa
Job:	Alaskan crab fisherman
How much youll make per year:	$21,487
Vehicle:

Quiz created with MemeGen!

If LJ were a strip club by kikibeth

username

sugar or spice?

you go with

madienofshadows

bouncer at the door

wolfofshadow

club manager

thewarriorv2

best...assets

useyourguitar

can really work a pole

losel

gives you a lap dance

sillyog

regular local

mandolin64

creepy drunk patron

wolfofshadow

you spend

$8,652

chance you'll get lucky: 24%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

You Were Actually Born Under:

No worries, you're not really pig-like in your personality.
(Though you have been known to have a healthy appetite!)
You are highly intelligent - forever studying and gaining knowledge.
You have a heart of gold and you are appreciated by many.

You are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You are totally loyal, faithful, and honest.
However, you don't trust others to be as ethical as you are!
Straight forward and direct, you really aren't one for small talk.
You are a great listener - and an agreeable companion when you're in a good mood!

You are most compatible with a Tiger or Horse.

What Year Were You Born Under?

You scored as Interpersonal. You enjoy being around people, like talking to people, have many friends, and engage in social activities. You learn best by relating, sharing, and participating in cooperative group environments. People like you include salespeople, consultants, community organizers, counselors, teachers or any other helping profession.

</td>

Interpersonal

61%

Visual/Spatial

61%

Musical/Rhythmic

57%

Intrapersonal

57%

Verbal/Linguistic

46%

Logical/Mathematical

43%

Bodily/Kinesthetic

14%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com

(all stolen from someone who stole it from someone else) :}

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	deadenedcandle
Your haiku:	i've seen is harm that he's excited when there's one phone call away
Username:

Created by Grahame

deadenedcandle

*hops on the bandwagon*

I love my dad

Nightmare...

Fine, I'm doing it!

Why the hell not . . .

*sigh*

Hunter

hops on the bandwagon

sigh